“Get it where the judge can’t see it”- My Father’s only rule when it came to a tattoo.

This is quite a fitting post for today since it’s World Mental Health Day. You’ll understand the correlation in a little while.

Around two weeks before my 19th birthday, I decided to book myself a tattoo appointment. I had an idea curated for over a year by that point and I didn’t think much about telling my parents what I was up to. After all, in my eyes, it was my body and my money.

Since I was about 15 years old, Frank Ocean has been one of my most listened-to artists. His music meant more to me than I could explain at the time. Throughout high school, I struggled. Music was one of the ways I was able to connect with myself, and especially with other people. Talking about music was how I formed a lot of my friendships. It’s still the base of a few. It was how I relaxed. It was a lifeline for me.

In 2016, Frank Ocean dropped his second studio album Blonde. 17 tracks. One hour long. I have spent so much time tearing apart each and every one of the tracks. I had my favorites for a while.

“Ivy” makes me think of falling in love. “Godspeed” reminded me of when I was in love. “Close to You” is a minute and 26 seconds of reflection. “Nights” is one of my late-night drive anthems. “Self Control” helped me put my own thoughts into words. “Solo” and “Seigfried” let me be vulnerable. “Pink + White” is just overall beautiful. And then there’s “White Ferrari”. A lot of songs have made me feel an indescribable way. But not many have hit like track 14.

“White Ferrari” will always be a forever in my life. To go into full detail about what this song means to me could be a whole novel in itself. Back then, I struggled with relationships, and maintaining personal connections was a huge weak spot for me. It still is. “White Ferrari” embodied every disconnect I felt with so many of the closest people in my life. Parts of the song remind me of how I felt when I was in love, and other parts remind me of how hard it can be to explain myself and all of my feelings. This track is so important to me just beyond the idea of love with someone else. I often put myself in the narrative. “White Ferrari” to me, is like an ode to every version of myself. It might not make much sense. We all see songs differently.

I wrote out the lyrics ‘Mind over matter is magic’ on a crumbled piece of paper and drove over to the tattoo shop. That line, about two minutes and 22 seconds into “White Ferrari” was my standout line. The song to me was more than a story about love, and that was the line that sold me.

After struggling with my mental health throughout high school, I wanted a tattoo that meant something to me in the past, present, and future. I wanted permanent ink on my body that people could ask about, and I could tell them about me. I wanted that line on my ribs for the 16-year-old girl who cried uncontrollably in the mirror, for the 19-year-old girl who wanted to restart life, and for my future self who will always be reminded that she’s made it through everything. And especially for the old lady version of me. I want her to still feel the same impact of those lines; to remember that mind over matter really is magic.

Not that my tattoo is iconic or anything (because it’s really not), but it does draw a lot of attention. Many people don’t realize at first it’s a Frank Ocean line. It took some decent explaining when it came to telling my parents about it. I tried my best, but I don’t think they, or anyone will really understand the meaning behind it. I hope now you can see the small correlation to World Mental Health Day.

Music has been and always will be an important part of my life. I’ve related so many people and places and things to so many of my favorite songs. It’s not very often a song comes on and I’m not thinking about a certain person or time in my life. I only have three tattoos right now, but this one is still my favorite. It’ll probably always be my favorite. It reminds me of myself, the people in and out of my life, and the importance of a healing mind.

Thanks for reading. Happy World Mental Health Day. Be kind to yourself.

‘Mind over matter is magic’- Christopher Edwin Breaux (Frank Ocean)

xoxo

Caroline